Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Thoughts on jealousy

Have you ever Googled the meaning of jealousy? 
'Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection.'
I would be a liar if I said I have never felt jealous or been envious of people. It's a horrible emotion but I raise my hands and admit that I have been jealous in the past. I would say that it's a weakness, but it's part of who I am. As much as I don't like that side of me, I accept it and try to better myself. 

My understanding of my own jealousy is that it comes from personal insecurities. My parents come from a working class background and they have had to fight and struggle to give me and my family the best they can (which is something I will always be grateful for). I have always found that I have been eager to please, and I have always tried to push myself to be better. I think my jealousy has stemmed from this. 

Don't get me wrong, I do not blame my parents. They have raised me extremely well by surrounding me with love and affection. They have tried hard to provide me with the life they never had. My ambition and determination has made me want more. More than what I had when I was younger, more so that I can provide my own children with the luxury of having a comfortable lifestyle without a worry of money. 

And that's exactly it.. although material things should never come into it, it has always been about material things. Most of my friends come from wealthy backgrounds where their parents could afford to buy them the newest trainers and handbags and mobile phones. I was so envious of them. I wanted my parents to be able to do the same for me. I come from a large family, 4 brothers 1 sister so you can imagine that there was a lot of hand me down clothes and shoes. We rarely had anything new because in my household, if one of us has something the rest of us had it too. It was unrealistic and my parents couldn't afford those luxuries. (Not that I considered any of this when I was younger) This is why as soon as I turned 16 I found myself a part-time job to pay for all the things I wanted. 

Jealousy can come in all forms. I was in such a bad relationship when I was 18 and that also made me insecure in future relationships. Feeling betrayed and hurt can have that effect on someone. Whether it was jealousy of my friends that were in secure happy relationships or whether it was me comparing myself to other beautiful women.. oh I am too fat... she's so much prettier than I am.. honestly I have never felt some much self hate then I did back then. 

You might be thinking why are you telling us these stories?! Well the truth is, I wanted to offer my advice on jealousy and help you get past your own insecurities through my experiences. 

I have had this discussion so many times. I have spoken to my good friends about it and you know they were just as jealous of me at the time. They were jealous for completely different reasons of course. The wanted the family love I had, they felt their parents only bought them the best things because they were never around. They wanted the loving relationship I had with my parents and my siblings. This isn't something that can be bought, it was real and although I didn't get the best of the best, I got the best of them. Which I realise now that I am older was plenty. 

When it comes to my own self-hate, this is something I had to work on. I had to realise my own worth and what I deserved. I picked the wrong men for starters. I went for men that had no respect for anyone and didn't understand the meaning of a relationship. I found my confidence again and realised that you're only as beautiful as you feel. By taking care of yourself and believing in yourself will you truly feel confident and happy. 

Now of course, I am with Gary. I am not going to say he is perfect because no-one is, but he is perfect for me. He builds me up and believes in me. That's the type of relationship we all deserve. 

I have no reason to feel envious because I am thankful for what I have. If you want more, then fight for it, earn it and work your ass off to get it. The only reason you don't have it right now is because you don't believe in yourself enough. Never feel jealous of another person, because yes they may be amazing.. but so are you. 

So whether you're feeling jealous over a guy, a friend, some other girl/boy, money, family, work or whatever else.. take time to consider what the root cause is. Look at your own life and work on that. Don't waste your time being jealous, it's a pointless emotion that only causes pain and not happiness. 

If you're feeling jealous about something and feel you need to chat about it, leave a comment in box below... maybe I can help. 

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